Previous English skipper Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full implications of the muscle-degenerating condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won numerous English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast two weeks after learning he has the disease.
"There's something about facing the future and hesitating to really process that at the minute," he said.
"It's not that I fail to comprehend where it's heading. We understand that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking together with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "calm" as he directs his attention to his present health, his family and planning ahead for when the condition worsens.
"Possibly that's shock or maybe I deal with matters in another way, and after I have the facts, it's more manageable," he stated further.
Initial Indications
Moody found out he had MND after detecting some weakness in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy was ineffective for the problem, a set of scans revealed nerves in his brain and spinal cord had been affected by MND.
"You're given this medical finding of MND and we're understandably very moved about it, but it's so strange because I sense that everything is fine," he added.
"I don't experience sick. I don't experience unwell
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have some muscle deterioration in the hand area and the shoulder.
"I continue to be able to doing all activities. And optimistically that will persist for as long as is feasible."
Condition Development
MND can progress rapidly.
Based on the organization MND Association, the condition kills a third of people within a twelve months and more than half within 24 months of diagnosis, as eating and breathing become more difficult.
Medical care can only retard decline.
"It's never me that I experience sorrow for," commented an moved Moody.
"It's the sorrow around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the consequences that has for her."
Personal Consequences
Talking from the household with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by feeling when he mentioned breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, saying: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two excellent boys and that was quite heartbreaking," Moody said.
"We were seated on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog bounded over and began licking the tears off our faces, which was quite silly."
Moody explained the focus was staying in the now.
"We have no cure and that is why you have to be extremely strongly directed on just welcoming and savoring everything now," he commented.
"As Annie said, we've been really fortunate that the sole determination I made when I left playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as feasible. We don't get those times back."
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Top-level sportspeople are disproportionately affected by MND, with research suggesting the incidence of the condition is up to 600% greater than in the broader public.
It is considered that by limiting the air available and causing harm to nerve cells, consistent, vigorous exercise can trigger the disease in those inherently predisposed.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England caps and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in recognition of his brave, unwavering style to the game.
He played through a fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once caused a training-ground scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he left a training equipment and commenced participating in collisions.
After appearing as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the line-out in the crucial moment of play, setting a base for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding field goal.
Assistance System
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who skippered England to that victory, and a couple of other ex- team-mates about his medical situation, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the remainder of public.
"There will be a period when we'll need to depend on their backing but, at the minute, just having that sort of affection and acknowledgment that people are present is the crucial thing," he said.
"Rugby is such a wonderful community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even if it ended now, I've valued all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"Being able to consider your love your vocation, it's one of the most important privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a duration with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will wish to support in whatever way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
